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So uh, a year and a half ago I was pretty pessimistic about my love life, wasn't I?
It got stupid after that. Really stupid. Like, falling in love with a gay man, levels of stupid. And then as soon as I got over him, I fell for another guy who was already in a relationship with someone else.
And that kind of stuck.
He's still in a relationship with her... and I'm still in love with him, which has endured through five months of separation, spending a hell of a lot of time with the pair of them, and a conversation in which he told me that he holds me in high regard and if he wasn't with her, he'd pursue something with me. Which made me feel better about myself, but didn't help with getting over my overwhelming, pathetic crush at all.
Oh, yeah, and I started a relationship of my own in April. With a polyamorous transgendered man, which has made me take a more careful look at myself, and you know what, it's a lot easier to not hate myself for having divided affections when I work under a world view that says it's okay to love more than one person at a time. And, you know, gender expression and stuff, I'm pretty sure that I'm just a plain old cisgendered woman, but I'm a little bit gender fluid. And, you know what, I'm happy. It's a good relationship. We complement each other well. We're both very laid-back people, which is good because I can't deal with high-maintenance people.
So it's not that bad. I just wanted to post because the last thing on here was pretty depressing: it's okay, things worked out, I'm happy now. I still have a bad habit of falling in love with people I can't have, but at least there's a return of my affections now, even if he'll never be mine. And I do have my affections returned by the person I'm with, which I thought was nigh impossible 18 months ago.
I'm doing okay. Love doesn't suck. I'm happy, for now, but everything in life is only for now. So I might as well enjoy it while I got it because six months from now I'm going to be miserable.
It got stupid after that. Really stupid. Like, falling in love with a gay man, levels of stupid. And then as soon as I got over him, I fell for another guy who was already in a relationship with someone else.
And that kind of stuck.
He's still in a relationship with her... and I'm still in love with him, which has endured through five months of separation, spending a hell of a lot of time with the pair of them, and a conversation in which he told me that he holds me in high regard and if he wasn't with her, he'd pursue something with me. Which made me feel better about myself, but didn't help with getting over my overwhelming, pathetic crush at all.
Oh, yeah, and I started a relationship of my own in April. With a polyamorous transgendered man, which has made me take a more careful look at myself, and you know what, it's a lot easier to not hate myself for having divided affections when I work under a world view that says it's okay to love more than one person at a time. And, you know, gender expression and stuff, I'm pretty sure that I'm just a plain old cisgendered woman, but I'm a little bit gender fluid. And, you know what, I'm happy. It's a good relationship. We complement each other well. We're both very laid-back people, which is good because I can't deal with high-maintenance people.
So it's not that bad. I just wanted to post because the last thing on here was pretty depressing: it's okay, things worked out, I'm happy now. I still have a bad habit of falling in love with people I can't have, but at least there's a return of my affections now, even if he'll never be mine. And I do have my affections returned by the person I'm with, which I thought was nigh impossible 18 months ago.
I'm doing okay. Love doesn't suck. I'm happy, for now, but everything in life is only for now. So I might as well enjoy it while I got it because six months from now I'm going to be miserable.
