hahaha

Oh, I really wanted this journal to be happy and light but the only thing I have to say that I can't say on LiveJournal is: why the fuck can't I ever fall in love with someone who loves me back? No, I always fall for people who maybe regard me kindly if not with disdain, and the people who fall in love with me leave me cold. This has happened at least three times in either direction, I should just swear off love and become a nun. Or a prostitute. Something where I don't have to hope that sex and love will coincide. Because they don't.

The best sex I ever had was with a guy I didn't even really respect. All the guys I think I love? Might give me the time of day if I'm lucky. All the guys who want to throw themselves at my feet (all three of them)? I have no chemistry with them at all.

And the girl, let's not forget the girl. Who I fucked things up with so royally that I can't even bring myself to comment on her LJ any more. Or the other girl who was in love with me that I didn't even REALIZE what the fuck was going on there, man, worst bisexual ever.

So basically: I fail at love, I should stop trying. Maybe when I stop trying it will magically happen.

...more likely I will die old and unloved, but whatever, leave me to my mindless optimism.